Are You a Teen or Parent Needing Help?

Teen Support: Call the NINELINE

The Covenant House Nineline extends Covenant House's presence and promise of hope through all 50 states. Kids and parents can reach out any time of the day or night for free, confidential, and immediate crisis intervention by dialing 1-800-999-9999. Last year (FY 2003) Nineline's trained staff received over 653,303, with 13,805 originating from Georgia. For the kid who has become a victim of the streets, a contact with a local shelter can mean a meal, a bed, and an opportunity to rebuild a life in a safe haven. For the child lost in the pain and confusion of growing up, a listening ear can help by providing support and guidance. For the abused child a call to the Nineline can begin the process that will provide safety for that child.

The Teen Years
Sometimes adults say you've got it easy, but you know better. While your teen years can be exciting and fun, there can also be times of anxiety, loneliness and pain. Often kids and parents don't understand one another, and siblings fight. While some friends bring comfort, others cause pressure. And school is hard work.

Your parents may not always remember, but they felt the same way when they were your age. In fact, when most adults are asked what they remember most about their teenage years, the number one answer is, "the pressure." So give yourself a break. Times will get better, but you can help them along with a few tools that will help you to take charge.

Developing a good relationship with your parent
Are you being abused?
Other struggles
Think before you make these mistakes

Developing a good relationship with your parent
It's not always easy for teens and parents to get along, but there are ways to improve teen-parent relationships. In fact, as you may already know, parents can actually be fun to hang out with. But first things first. Opening the lines of communication is key, so let them know how you feel. Here are some ideas for dealing with tough situations...

Do they nag and criticize you?
Ask for details. Show that you've listened and understood by repeating what they said, and give them your own perspective in a respectful way. Be as pleasant to them as you want them to be to you. Get them to talk about what they did as teenagers - this may remind them of how it felt.

Are your parents overprotective?
Parents usually make rules because they love you and don't want you to get hurt. Show them that you understand the dangers they fear. Come up with rules you think are reasonable; then ask your parents to compromise. Introduce them to your friends and their parents, and keep them up to speed on how your life is going.

Are their fights upsetting you?
When things have cooled down, tell your parents that their fighting bothers you. Get a family friend or relative to step in. Try to understand each one's point of view, but don't take sides. Go for a walk, phone a friend or do something else to help you through their fight.

Are you going through your parents' divorce?
Remember that it's not your fault in any way. It's their relationship that has fallen apart, and you can't keep it from happening. Don't let one parent put down the other in front of you. Remind them that you don't have to hate one to love the other - it's their divorce, not yours. Focus on your own life and keep busy.

Is your parent in a new relationship?
Let your parent spend time with his or her new significant other. Show them that you understand that they need time alone, and don't force your parent to choose between you and a new relationship. If you feel left out, talk to your parent and find a compromise. Do something nice for this new person to break the ice. He or she might turn out to be a good friend. And if you still don't feel comfortable with the new relationship, seek advice from an adult or older friend.

Does your parent abuse drugs or alcohol?
Encourage your parents to get help. Don't go it alone. Ask an adult you trust to step in. Call Al-Anon, a group which provides support families of people with drinking problems. Your parent's mood swings are a result of his or her illness. Remember, it's not your fault.

Are you being abused?

Why does child abuse happen?
Most of the time, abusive or neglectful parents love their kids and don't see themselves as hurtful. Many of these parents don't feel good about themselves and may even feel unloved and unappreciated. Some reasons parents abuse their children: financial or work-related stress; lack of support; loneliness; personal stress or depression; drug or alcohol abuse; mental, emotional or physical health problems; poor parenting skills. Most abusers were victims of abuse themselves, and have never learned alternative ways to deal with difficult situations.

Get someone to listen
Child abuse is a serious family problem, and no one can deal with it alone. Whether you are being abused for the first or 50th time, you must get someone to listen and help you. Tell an adult you trust. It is very important to know that sometimes it is difficult to get an adult to help. This may happen because some adults - especially relatives or neighbors - may find it impossible to imagine your parents doing the things you describe. Remember: You are the one being abused! It is not your fault. Even if the abuse happened only once, you need to tell someone about it. You must keep telling people until you find someone who will listen and help.
For help you can call: 1-800-999-9999

Other struggles

Is anxiety creeping into your life?

Try not to worry about what other people think. Everyone has things they don't like about themselves. Learn to laugh "with" yourself when you do something silly or make a simple mistake.
If you're nervous about doing something, try it anyway. Things usually get easier with practice. And talk it out. Sometimes a friend can help to put things into perspective.
If you're stressed out about something that has happened, talk it over with a good friend. Put your feelings in writing. Go for a walk or a run to clear your mind.

Having a disagreement?

Think about whether you are seeing the problem fairly. Put yourself in the other person's shoes.
Stick to the facts and tell the person how you feel.
Don't accuse or criticize.
Practice what you want to say with another friend. This will help you anticipate reactions.
Take a problem-solving attitude. Think solution, not victory. It doesn't help to win the argument if you still have the problem.

Surrounded by pressure to use drugs?

Let your friends know that you are not into drinking or using drugs. Tell them one at a time so you're not taking on the whole crowd. Your true friends will respect your decision.
If you need to ease into saying "no," try an excuse. Tell them you don't feel like it now, or that you need to do well on tomorrow's test.
People may give you a hard time, but that's ok. It takes courage to stand up to that kind of pressure and maintain your own convictions. In the long run, the most important thing is that you make your own choices.

Is someone trying to convince you to have sex?

Some kids will tell you they've done it when they really haven't.
Remember the risks - pregnancy, AIDS and other sexually transmitted diseases.
Having sex when you don't want to will only make you feel bad afterward.
Don't confuse your desire to please a friend with what is comfortable and right for you. If you are not ready, a true friend will understand.
Good relationships - friendships and romances - should make you feel good about yourself and your life.

Are you feeling alone?

Talk to an older friend or an adult you trust - a school counselor, teacher, relative, pastor, family friend or your parent.
Think about joining the local YMCA, a school club or checking out activities for kids at a community center near your home. Ask an adult or older friend you trust to go with you.
Ask your teacher or counselor about a mentoring program, like Big Brothers Big Sisters. · Look into volunteer opportunities or consider getting a part-time job.

Stressed out by school work?

Low grades and falling behind... The important thing is that you try. Perhaps the class is too advanced, or you have neglected your homework. There may be something else going on with you outside of school. Ask your teacher for help, or talk to your parents or a counselor.
Daydreaming... Is there a physical reason? Lack of sleep? Not getting a balanced breakfast? Is there something else bothering you?

Think before you make these mistakes

Drinking and drugs...
If you think they'll help you deal with what's bothering you, think again. They may take away the pain while you're high, but your problems will be worse when you crash. Plus, you may have a new one - drug or alcohol addiction. Abuse of drugs and alcohol can have consequences on your mental and physical well-being, and it can also affect your future. If you can't stop using, it's time to get help.

Running Away...
You may think: I'll get my own place and stay out all night, pick my friends and wear what I want. But how will you find a job? Where will you live? Your own place may be a room in a building under construction, dinner may be scraps out of someone else's trash, your clothes may come from a local charity, and your new friends won't be any better off. The longer teenagers stay away from home, the more likely they are to find themselves in dangerous situations doing things they probably never thought about doing. Many end up sleeping in cars or abandoned buildings, selling drugs, stealing and engaging in prostitution. And it's common for street kids to have their belongings (even identification) stolen, get arrested, become ill or acquire sexually transmitted diseases, and get injured from an attack. It's not surprising that some unnecessarily lose their lives. So before you leave home, try to solve your problems another way. Ask someone for help. If you still feel that you cannot stay at home, make sure you have a safe place to go before you leave.

You can call the Covenant House Nineline to talk to a counselor any time, day or night: 1-800-999-9999

Suicide...
Suicide is a permanent solution to a temporary problem. The teen years are often the most difficult - but they will pass, as problems do. Almost every suicide attempt is a cry for help. If someone you know has talked about suicide or seems very depressed, pay attention. If you have had thoughts of suicide, find someone to talk to.

Hotline: 1-800-999-9999